Gary Baldwin & Mass Murder – “If Only I Could Play Piano”

The Sleeve:

The Liner/Sleeve Notes:
“SPECIAL THANKS FOR INSPIRATION 
 To God, J. Brown, Alexander Volta, To Defective Prophylactics, Steinmetz, Robert Goddard, Buddy Ebsen, Thomas Edison, Millard Fillmore, Robert Keeshan, Brother Buzz, Eartha Kit, Moondog Maine, Haystack Calhoun, George Gobel, General Hershey Bar, The Duck, Tommy Toilet, Steve Martin, Bonzo and Ronald Reagan, Thomas Eagleton, Pope Pious I, The Spanish Inquisition, Earl Scheib, Moses, Fire Dog, Arthur, Nippon Gaki, Lilly Co., Sando, Sam Chai 68, 69, Marlin Perkins, John Cameron Seuzy, Billy De Wolf, Gail Storm, Enrico Banducci, Pepino, To To, Ed Reimers, Harry Von Szeil, Mrs. Olsen, Buster Crabbe, Shamm, George Reeves, Preston Foster, Mary H., Cloris Leachman, Leo G. Carroll, Haley Mills, Lionel Barrymore, Richard Boone, Lorne Green, Clayton Moore, Jay Silverheels, Don Ames, Monty Hall, Pernell Roberts, Summers Eve, Adrano Enema, Shirley Booth, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Nancy Culp, Harry Houdini, Cyrano De Bergerac, Guy Lombardo, Don Ho, Ed Burns, William Shatner, Dwayne Hickman, Jim Lange, Vito Genovese, Moms Mabley, Dino De Laurentis, Peter Max, Ron Geesin, Artemus Gordon, Ray Walston, Burt Ward, Otto Preminger, John Banner, Soupy Sales, and of course Jerry Mathers as The Beaver………….”

Personal Review:
So, apparently this is one of the weirdest albums out there, (according to several blogs and eBay auctions). Don’t know a lot behind it, though, I know there is another blog out there that has information on the production.
Anyways, the first track is “Intro: (You Wish, You Were)&” – and basically, it’s a bunch of people talking, cheering, windchimes, bells and then someone shouting “WHAT?! YOU CAN’T PLAY PIANO!?” then it kicks into the first jam session titled “The Whatt!“, which is a pretty steady rock session. Lots of guitaring and drums. It fades out with some badass guitar sliding, like the sound of sliding a pick along the strings. Then it fades into “Idaho Magic” which starts with some badass jamming out on guitar. The song features many different techniques on the guitar, a lot of which I don’t even know what to call them because I can’t play a single instrument. Though, the music is well constructed and written, it flows smoothly, to the point that you would think this is a million dollar recording session. I believe Gary and Maurice went to town for this. There is a slight fade out in the song, then it goes back into steady guitar playing before fading out and going into the track “The Drain” – once more they use more techniques I can’t name, and just play like crazy. It’s pretty intense. Boo. Boo. Boo. That guitar playing. It’s like Frampton. Then the song just cuts out. Boom. Over.

The B-Side opens with “Fifty Years Out of It and, I’m Still Trying to Get Back In” which starts out with some pretty near acoustic guitar, and flutes (I believe. Which is reminds me a lot of Led Zeppelin’s “The Battle of Evermore“) it kind of keeps going like that for quite awhile. But it’s good, it’s a fairly decent jam session. As the song continues on, they start using some really neat drum rhythms, on the cymbals. The album is mostly guitars and drums, and as it nears the end of the song Gary goes off into some pretty fast and fancy guitar playing. The album ends with the track “Silent Madness” – which is just that… 10 minutes of pure silence. Nothing more.

Interesting Facts:
None.

Track Listing:
A1 – Intro: (You Wish, You Were)&
A2 – The Whatt!
A3 – Idaho Magic
A4 – The Drain

B1 – Fifty Years Out of It and, I’m Still Trying to Get Back In
B2 – Silent Madness

Label:
Airhole Records

Catalog Number:
A.H. 00001

Studio Musicians & Other Album Credits:
Lead Guitar, Flute, Voices, Acoustic Guitar – Gary Baldwin
Drums, Kuba, Flute, Windchimes, Voices, Percussion – Maurice A. Toich
Bass – R. Parker & H. Neal
Lead, Rhythm Guitar – M. Erannan
Voices & Glasses Tinkling – Lenny Turnbow, Marty Bartlett, Mrs. Ellner & Diane McEllroy
Voices, Glasses Tinkling & Noise – David Baum
Shouting, Slide Rule Computations, Recording Engineer, Set Up, Mixing “Live” in Studios, Final Editing, Lighting Director & Technical Advisor – Marc Ellner
Helpful Advice & Concept of Album Color – Daniel Keeney
Song Titles Composed by Maurice A. Toich, Gary Baldwin & Marc Ellner
All Songs Written by Gary Baldwin & Maurice A. Toich
Copyright by Airhole Records 1979
All Selections Holeair Music
Produced by Maurice A. Toich
Executive Producer – Tom Vasques
Cover Design – M.A. Toich
Distributer – Bob Jones, Ltd.

Other Albums I Own by Gary Baldwin & Mass Murder:
None.

Released:
1979

Related Vinyls:

The Who – “Who’s Next” Elizabeth Barraclough – “Hi!” Fotomaker – “Vis-a-Vis” Janis Joplin – “Pearl”